So, I figured I might as well post a small update while I’m stuck with a baby on top of me and my phone being to only thing within reach.
This is her at the moment. I remember being unsure why parents just sit there when their kids are asleep on them. Why don’t you just go put them in their bed? Really slowly? So what if they wake up? They’re tired, they’ll just head right back to dreamland, right?
No, not right. I imagine that a kid who only finds happy sleep in his or her mom’s arms (even if it’s just a phase) probably feels that being put somewhere else to sleep is like someone taking you out of your warm, comfy bed and putting you on top of a boulder. You’re tired, and now, you’re upset because you can’t sleep anymore.
So, on with what’s happened.
I mentioned recently that I happened upon a job opportunity. Basically what happened is someone from my church approached me and said they were looking for an assistant of sorts, and the job could be done from home for 20 hours per week and $1000 a month pay. Sounds awesome to any mom looking for work.
But here’s the deal: I wasn’t looking for a job. My plan was always to stay home for the time that my kids were little. So, in order for me to get a job, the previously mentioned encounter would have been the only way. So in my mind, I thought: Wow, this is strange. I wasn’t looking for work, but for whatever reason, this opportunity pops up. Maybe God wants me to have a job.
But if you thought that was crazy enough, it turns out that the job is not only within my skill set, but also something I can imagine thoroughly enjoying. Not to mention, it would more than cover the cost of school, and to top it off, the people on the team I would work with are God-focused, which is a major plus for someone like me.
So, I had set it up with Jimmy to work from home so I could go to the interview. But, two days before, I got an email asking to reschedule for the next day. I panicked for a moment. Jimmy thankfully was able to switch it to that day, but that wasn’t what worried me.
For the first time, I had to actually leave my baby. I didn’t realize how much it would hurt me.
And then, I found out that they would need me to be available once a week for a meeting. My mind went straight to the fact that I would have to leave her.
I didn’t imagine this when I became a mom. I think all the time of how lucky I am that I can always, always be there for her. I think how amazing it is that I’m on-call, but I still call the shots. I think how wonderful it is that I’m the one who gets to see her reach those milestones, I’m the one who pays attention to her cooing, and I’m the one who makes her smile. I get to change her diapers (that’s when she smiles the most!), I have the privilege of nursing her, I have the honor of being EV’s mom. She is my treasure.
I don’t want to miss anything.
But, it has to be up to God. And if there is one thing that I know about making huge life choices, it’s that you should follow peace. Because God will give you peace about the path He wants you to follow. Even if it’s the more worrisome path.
I don’t have a sure fire way to pay back my student loans. I don’t have a lot in savings. I don’t know how we will afford trips to visit family.
But I was in turmoil about the idea of losing time with my daughter. No, I wouldn’t have to leave her all that often. I could always come to her when she cried. But I would have to deny her those times when I just stop whatever I’m doing to cuddle or talk to her. I’d have to give up the times I want to just go out and have fun or hang out with a fellow stay-at-home mom. I’d have to shove her off on her father to get some work done, instead of having family time. Heck, I wouldn’t just be losing time with EV, I’d be losing it with Jimmy too!
Just like we had more peace about me going to school than simply staying home, we had more peace about me not working than making money. So I made my decision. I prayed about it, and God gave me peace about taking on loan debt and always being available for my daughter.
I denied the perfect job opportunity.
Which was good, because they decided not to hire me! They offered the job to another stay-at-home mom. And I think God gave them peace about that too.
Warm and happy feelings all around!