So today, I ran into this list called 42 Weird and Hilarious Products That People Actually Used In The Past.
That’s a ridiculously long title, I know. But it’s not as ridiculous and some of the things on the list.
After looking at it and surviving a couple of heart attacks, I thought it would be fun to give my take on some of these “products”. For the sake of brevity, I won’t respond to all of the items on the list. Instead, I will group a few of them into collections
The “Just-Why?” Collection
Seriously, what were these inventors thinking?
A motorized surfboard. For all those board presentations that can only be done in a half-pipe.
The gun that takes a photograph each time it’s shot. Because you never want to forget the look on your shooting victim’s face.
The Egg Cuber. I am a little lost for words on this one. Perhaps it makes sense for better hard-boiled egg storage?
The family bicycle, with a sewing machine for mom! Because moms only have domestic hobbies.
The “Can’t-Get-Cancer-Quick-Enough” Collection
Need cancer, and need it quick? Be sure to buy yourself one (or several!) of these products!
The Face-Bleacher. Yes. It’s a face-bleacher. Holy cow.
And I like how it states this thing is a “substitute for injurious cosmetics.” Substitute?
The Pack Smoker. The more cigarettes you can smoke at once, the fancier you’ll be! We promise!
The Solar Bath Apparatus. UV rays, they CURE DISEASES OF THE HEAD!
The two-person pipe. Nothing says “friendship” like blowing smoke in one another’s faces.
The “I’ll-Be-Surprised-If-He-Makes-It-To-Five” Collection
These products are what caused the aforementioned heart attacks. Fair warning, you may not survive the mere idea of these following products.
The Baby Cage. For urban tikes who need more fresh air and danger.
The Baby Dangler. I’m fairly certain those parents are ice skating. Heartbeat flatlining in three, two, one…
Walking clamps for your toddler who’s learning to walk. This is less “life-threatening” and more “limb-threatening.” I can’t’ imagine that this does anything except make a child incredibly angry. And literally no one likes an angry toddler.
The Pain-Free Paddle. Children will respond to the “illusion” of pain!
Again, not exactly life-threatening, but what’s the point? Wouldn’t it be more effective (and cheaper) to just put him in a time out?
The “Why-Doesn’t-This-Still-Exist” Collection
I actually thought a few of these products were pretty genius. Seriously, why don’t these exist anymore?
The portable sauna. Sarcasm aside, wouldn’t it be awesome to have a sauna wherever you go? Uh, YES!
Reddi-Bacon. As a microwave connoisseur, this is something that piques my interest. Real bacon without the pan? Yes please!
Motorized roller skates. Okay, maybe this makes me a lazy person, but c’mon! Wouldn’t this be fun? I mean, minus the part about it being potentially fatal. I’d use ’em!
Okay, that’s it for my joke post. Hope you had fun! Be sure to check out the rest of the list. (Here’s that link again.) Have a great week everyone!