At this very moment, I am in a rocking chair nursing my 5-week-old son and watching my 19-month-old daughter make use of the books and toys in her unkempt bedroom. I probably won’t end this blog in this same situation, especially since it’s naptime and my boy is screaming and my girl keeps crying for milk because she is jealous and wants to nurse.
I couldn’t even get through that last sentence without the situation changing.
This life I’m in right now is an unruly, sleepless, loud, sticky, wonderful adventure. It’s a trek through a jungle of thoughts and emotions and everything that happens before we say “night-night.” It’s prioritizing, both poorly and thoughtfully, what’s important in our day, and laundry doesn’t usually win first place. It’s tandem nursing, cuddling, burping, singing, rocking, kissing, bleeding, wiping, crying, giggling, and praying. It’s a grumpy face, a toothy grin, a tired sigh, and victorious applause for a kid who learned something new. It’s a desperate search for the “buh-buh” or “pacifier” as most non-toddlers call it. It’s the resounding call for “mama” or “daddy” that echoes through the house, and the newborn wailing in the background. It’s the extra-long moment that I take to admire the God-given life that I cradle in my arms. It’s pretty crazy and pretty amazing.
This season won’t last long. I’ve already gotten through an entire month of having two kids under age two. The changes are already apparent. Pretty soon I’ll have a girl who can articulate herself better than ever and maybe figure out how to jump, and a boy who has barely spent any of his life breathing air already learning how to smile and play and laugh. At some point, their interactions will amount to more than just the bigger one patting the smaller one on the head. And then my little girl will turn 2 and I’ll be living a different (probably unruly) life. Maybe I will even have a handle on the thousand thoughts that race through my barely capable mom-brain, but I’m guessing not.
Sammy, my Mr. Peaceful, will grow up to be a strong and content young man, I’m sure of it. EV will be fearless and giggly as usual, but she will also have funny quips and unique ideas. She will probably have troves of friends and admirers, but this is her mom talking. And somewhere down the line, there might be more little Kramers to change the identity of our family. I’d be happy with that! (But maybe we can put it off a few years. A girl can only go so long without sushi and wine.) This year’s Christmas card has two beautiful, remarkable children on it, and their close births will mean they are close to each other, like no other person could be.
I wouldn’t change that for anything.
Not for more peace, or sleep, or wine & sushi, or hair, or time, or money, or travel, or sanity, or showers. I will have everything I could want in the next life, so why should I have any regrets about giving someone else the opportunity to have that promise too?
God gave me this messy life, and I tell ya, I am so thankful He did.